One day in the past, the legendary Victoria street police officer Doug Bond tried to persuade a suspect in a credit union robbery to confess.
Come on, Bond tells the bad guy who is less cooperative, you match the description given by the teller.
“That’s a bull —,” answered the robber. “My face is closed.”
Ah, past, when masks were exclusive to A) stick-up artists, B) hockey goals, C) trick-or-treaters, or D) the players of St.
That’s what came to mind this week when I found my fifth fearful goal: as a pandemic fashion accessory.
“Canadian designers who have a mission to make masks more fun,” read the Times Colonist headline on the Canadian Press news that illustrates how for $ 25 you can buy face masks that are not only comfortable and washable, but also beautiful. “That became something interesting, right [dwelling on] the reality of why you have to wear a mask, “said a Toronto designer.
In the UK, the BBC considers similar works documenting how the mask couture has gone global, from the runway of Paris to Japan.
“This is a fashion statement that is needed right now,” the article quoted a Instagram style teacher. Hillary Clinton praised Nancy Pelosi’s “mask-to-pants color coordination,” said the story, an Italian designer who, as a joke, posted photos of bikini and mask combos known as trikini flooded with orders. Givenchy had come out with a set of hats. and-mask that will make you return $ 720 Cdn.
“I will bring ho druk fer vivehun,” I reminded my wife.
“Sorry?” she says.
I pulled my mask. “I once bought an entire truck for $ 500.”
This is true. It came with two inexplicable bullet holes in the box, which gave it a certain character. And I don’t have to worry about that colliding with the rest of my clothes, either.
This mask as a mandatory mode only rubs salt on the wound. Until last week, health officials shrugged slightly at the idea that most people had to run around wearing non-medical masks at all. I guess they can’t be hurt, is a half-hearted response. Don’t use it as a substitute for physical distance.
Then, on Wednesday, the message was changed: We have to wear a mask when it’s impossible to stay two meters away. Doing so provides protection against your germs.
Many of us welcome this news with the same enthusiasm as Canucks fans welcome Mark Messier. Masks are uncomfortable. They make it difficult to talk, or breathe. After the first muffled, “Luke, I’m your father,” the novelty disappears. Also, some people writhe when they see you. (Note the 2017 Quebec law that effectively prohibits women from covering their faces for religious reasons from holding government jobs. Maybe Quebec politicians will now obediently wear masks and then, equally obediently, fire themselves. Serve them properly.)
Never mind. If wearing a mask when we are spitting distance from people who don’t want to be spit on keeps them safe, then let’s do it – but forget the crap about doing it in Armani. Or even Kirkland.
Good sir, has the fashionista even been to Vancouver Island? We found brown sandals with white knee socks. Our best pleated khaki pants still have a price tag from Zellers. Even at the best of times, many of us don’t believe in appearing in public without strong pre-screening. (“Am I wearing this for work? Of course not. It’s just my clothes that warm the car. Please remind me again of what I want to wear.”)
And this is far from the best moment. Fabric pills roll up your pajamas, which you haven’t been out of since March, resembling a small coronarvirus. When you see stains on the front of your shirt, you don’t know whether it was breakfast this morning or dinner last night. The last time you looked in the mirror, you felt sorry for your reflection, trying to slip it five dollars (or audition for the main character in Castaway: The Musical). Meanwhile, even the unshaven Justin Trudeau is starting to look a bit like Frank Zappa.
So, no, we won’t go around saying things like: “Coughs are bad, Bob, but that red-faced bandana really bleeds on your eyes.” Let the real police catch the masked bad guy, but the cursed fashion police.
Share your mask photo
Do you wear a mask when you go outside now? High or low fashion, we want to see it!
Share photos of your mask or faceplate, and we will display some of our favorites in the newspaper and online. Send an email to [email protected] with the word “mask” in the subject line, and tell us a little about your mask and whether you made it yourself or bought it. Be sure to enter your name and the city where you live.
© Times Copyright Colonists
to request modification Contact us at Here or [email protected]