Dear baby: My husband’s sister is morbidly obese, and we are very concerned about her health. We know her weight is a delicate topic, but if she drowns in the lake instead of drowning in the water, we will do our best.
We feel compelled to pay attention to her health. We know that how to solve this problem can be very different.
We both felt that it would be beneficial for her to see the counselor face life problems that could cause her to overeating. Can you suggest an expression? We love her and hope she lives long and healthy.
Search for SISTER-IN-LAW
Dear friends: Your sister is very aware that her figure is dangerous, so you can only solve this problem once without causing family rifts. If the message came from her brother, it might be better accepted and should be written like this:
“I want you to know how much I love you. My wife and I are deeply worried about your weight because we are worried about losing your weight. If there are issues that cause this, would you consider discussing these issues with a counselor?
“If your doctor is unable to recommend you to qualified people, we can ask for some of our names. If I am hurt by what I said, I sincerely apologize and hope you can forgive me. I will not raise this topic again.”
Dear baby: My sister “Olive” moved to the West Coast three years ago. My parents, two siblings and I live on the east coast.
In the past year, Olive has become farther and farther away from us. When we tried to set up the group Facetime or even the phone, she always had an excuse. It has happened dozens of times.
Recently, our extended family had a Zoom call with about 30 people. Everyone can make at least part, including all my cousins, aunts and uncles. However, Olive said that she “will be there next time” because she needs to make some covering around the house and wants to start limiting her screening time.
My parents, brothers and sisters and each of me have talked to her directly, which shocked and pained us, but she continued to do so. At this point, everyone was fed up, especially mom, who hung up twice while trying to solve these problems with Olive. What else can we do? We seem to be unable to pass.
Dear brother: Do you know why your sister moved to the west coast? Is it work related, or does she need space and don’t think she can have it if she lives closer? As her exit has become more and more public in the past year, it is important to let someone understand the driving factors.
Except for your mother (who hung up twice), relatives close to Oliver should call her and explain to the family that she is worried about her in the gentle way possible, and ask if there are any problems. Where is it right? You can help. She may have a difficult time emotionally, or she may just long for some space. However, you won’t know until someone gets a direct answer.
Dear Abby (Aear Abby) is written by Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips), founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Please contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com, or post office 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069.