My sister-in-law is over 40 years old, and she has health problems. She also suffers from largely undiagnosed mental health issues due to her refusal to see anyone, and she basically does nothing but smoke marijuana, drink booze, and play video games.
Right now his parents are paying his mortgage, which I believe is on their behalf, and I assume they pay all the bills. Her father looked after her home and helped with food and “necessities.” I’m assuming they either paid for his medical bills, or left him unpaid.
This year, my elderly father-in-law is experiencing health fears. My mother-in-law also has several health problems, although none of them are life threatening. I’m afraid my brother-in-law, with his quiet lifestyle, might also face additional health problems as he gets older.
I told my wife that they should discuss the plantation plans openly with us. He agreed, but the topic was always put aside with them. Her family didn’t like to talk about death or money at all. What we get the most from them is that they are all split in half.
I thought it was a good plan on paper, but I saw two big problems. First, there was a house that could not simply be divided in half without being sold, which my wife or brother did not want to do. It paid off.
The Moneyist:My wife and I have 3 children. I also have 3 children from a previous marriage. How are we supposed to divide our house among these 6 kids?
Maybe in a decade or so, my wife can pay for half of the house and potentially buy it, but that poses a second problem. Her sister couldn’t manage her own life now, and I knew what would happen if several hundred thousand dollars were dropped into her lap.
Neither my wife nor I wanted him to become homeless, but I was worried that I would be responsible for taking care of my brother-in-law. I am sure he will fall into poverty after his parents leave if nobody intervenes. At the same time, if they just left the money, he would throw it away or maybe be taken by the debt collector.
My wife and I are rich and can manage money well. Ideally, we could manage the trust for him to make sure the bills are paid so he doesn’t become homeless or starve. Obviously, this is a sensitive topic coming from son-in-law, especially with in-laws who are nervous about death and money.
I don’t want to reverse the bill for this guy when his parents are gone.
Any advice will be good.
Want to read more?Follow Quentin Fottrell on Indonesiaand read more of the column here.
Sounds like a combination of mental health problems and addiction. Sometimes, one can lead to another. Helping your brother-in-law may require family intervention rather than financial intervention. It would involve the whole family taking the baton and telling him one by one that they love him, and they want him to get back up, and receive the help he needs.
Depression has increased among middle-aged American men over the past decade. Baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, face a greater risk of depression, according to the 2015 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index survey. In the US, 14% of baby boomers are treated for depression. That’s much higher than the national average of 11%, double the millennial percentage.
It can also lead to more serious health problems. Research has shown that being overweight or obese is associated with a higher risk of premature death than a healthier body weight – and that risk increases with weight gain. More than a quarter of American adults define themselves as obese, but the obesity rate is actually closer to a third of the population.
The Moneyist: My friend’s dad buried $ 50K in the backyard for his grandson. My friend has 2 kids, but her extravagant brother doesn’t have any. Should they split it?
Your in-laws could look for options to ensure that your brother-in-law is taken care of after they’re gone, and someone with mental health problems and addictions who also lack life skills won’t be able to handle their own finances very well, especially at once. They can make provisions in their wish to include the proceeds from the sale of their home under a special needs trust with income.
This may require a second intervention, which forces your in-laws to face the fact that their son faces a long road to recovery and, if he is unwilling or unable to get better, they will have to adjust themselves. plantation plan accordingly. This could involve making appointments with your in-laws, and financial planners and real estate attorneys to discuss the matter.
There are many organizations that can help your parents, including the National Alliance On Mental Illness and the National Council for Behavioral Health. Your sister-in-law may also benefit from some type of rehabilitation or recovery program. Administration of Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Helpline also offers crisis counseling for people affected by the pandemic.
You ultimately cannot force your brother-in-law or sister-in-law to seek the help they need and, perhaps through a moment of grace, admit that they need to face an unpleasant or difficult truth. You can do the best you can. But you are not ultimately responsible for other people’s lives, although it can be difficult to watch this situation worsen over time.
Hello, MarketWatchers. check Moneyist’s personal Facebook
the group in which we seek answers to life’s most difficult money problems. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas.
Quentin Fottrell is a Moneyist MarketWatch columnist. You can email The Moneyist with financial and ethical questions at [email protected]. By sending your inquiries via email, you agree to publish them anonymously on MarketWatch.